EarShatter

(first published in The UST Commerce Journal Magazine 2006)

Standard Chartered Bank, 8 a.m.

Three hundred sixty-seven pesos and fifty-five centavos. The figures flashed before my face against the blue screen of the ATM, and it spelled to me that I would not have a few decent days to live by. So much for budgeting, I mumbled, as I took my card back in my wallet. Three hundred sixty seven and fifty five cents! If I needed to survive the next few days before the 28^th, I had to stretch those three digits and two decimal places up to its maximum value. I meant to withdraw some money but thought otherwise. Besides, I still had enough in my pocket to spend. I stepped out of the bank sighing, but not losing hope. It had been a long day and I needed some rest. So I started walking towards the tunnel, to the other side of the road, wearing my usual sneakers, jeans and polo shirt – my office attire.

Eight in the morning was sure late – at least for me. Working on a night shift really had changed a lot in me, especially when I saw the people in blazers and long sleeves with neckties and suitcases, “busy as a bee”, and walking ninety kilometers per hour (like asteroids that never collide) to beat the clock and heavy traffic. Had I experienced this just after I graduated, I would put up a bitter smile with my face looking at the pavement as I walk the along the hot and dry Ayala Avenue. It was my childhood dream, you see – to be able to wear business attires, probably Armani suits with a nice convertible car for a ride.

It has been more than a year now since I graduated from UST and still, I do not have a single Armani suit, and not even a unicycle as my “cool” ride. Instead, I wear civilian clothes while taking jeepney rides to and fro my work. All the things that I imagine to be doing while in that classy suit are totally different from what I am doing now. I do not shout “Sell!” or “Buy!” in my job. I am not also made to conceptualize for the next hit commercial or novel product. Instead, I have struggled my way to get a job in one of my preferred companies with decent pay for fresh grads. I work in a fixed ten in the evening till six in the morning shift; reading company press releases and squeezing my brains oftentimes to analyze the things you still would not understand as a student (try as I may to explain).

It came to me that the “real world” has welcomed me with a kick in the stomach and a slap across the face. But I do not whine anymore about my career (or life for that matter). Instead, I just smile and say “thank you”.

I bet all of us have an ambition – a vision of what we would like to be in the future. Mine was deeper than wearing an Armani. It is just a representation of the status it connotes to having to wear one, like power, high skills and success. But ambition is more than just a dream; it is a carefully planned one. That is why at some point in our lives, we go to college, choose a major and learn something on which we can be called successful on in the future. I guess if we only live in a “ceteris paribus” world, things will be easier. We study hard, we succeed. We study harder, succeed even more!

Sad to say, but we live in a place that is full of probability, consequences and unfairness. Things here cannot be solved by a simple one plus one, or by finding the variables for X and Y. Most times, there is no formula for a straight line. Most times, we struggle so hard but just fail without even grace. This can be further summarized as the law of the real world in three words: DEAL WITH IT.

But take heart, because not all things are bad when you are on your own. Yes, there may be things that we might not have or achieve, but it should not keep us from hoping that someday, somehow that “we can”. Ate Jenny, my former Editor-in-Chief, said in one of her articles that life throws us many pairs of shoes to try on. I agree. And also, it might be quite disappointing to learn that the “shoe” we desire do not fit us, but maybe we should just realize that perhaps in due time, we will grow just for it. Better yet, we will outgrow it and we can now fit in to a bigger “pair”. All it takes is patience, determination and faith in God and our capabilities.

I may not be trading stocks and commodities or drafting a SWOT analysis of a company or product, but I still do my work with diligence, commitment and best efforts – as if I am in my Armani. I have come to love the terms of it, and how it sometimes makes me want to split my head apart. For now, I realize that I have to prove to myself that I can do the things I am tasked to do, to prepare myself for the bigger things that will come my way. Do not dream more than we can actually do because we cannot reach greater heights without first stretching our limits. Remember: People will judge you by your work and not by your words alone. So do not be discouraged if you do not have a CPA, ENGR. ATTY. and other titles on either side of your name. It does not automatically mean that we will succeed in life if we have one. More importantly, that does not mean you are lesser of a person, and them, superior, for learning does not stop after college (and I am not talking about graduate studies specifically). You may even learn a lot of valuable things only you can teach to yourself.

As for me, the numbers under my name may increase into millions or decrease into zit. I may or may not wear an actual suit, and I might be a commuter forever. But they do not matter as of the moment. For as long as I do the right things, the chances of achieving my dreams in this non-ceteris paribus world have just increased, thanks to my Armani attitude.